The "rape" talk is insensitive and needs to stop.

[delicatedahlias]

I have mostly held my tongue about this for a while now, but I feel like I need to say something. I know I haven't been on our server for as long as others have, but I feel like I have already built a few things of merit and have been a generally friendly member of our community.

When you say things like "I'm going to rape you", "Pretend like you're raping her", or other things of that nature, you are cheapening our server and disrespecting others. There is no reason to be saying these kinds of things, especially directly to a woman. Rape isn't funny. It is statistically impossible for each of you to go through your lives without knowing at least one person who has been raped. Maybe you don't even know that they have been, and saying things like this in a lighthearted way really hurts them but they are too afraid to tell you.

I know that none of you are bad guys. In fact, I really enjoy talking to you guys and building things with you. When you make rape comments/jokes you are disrespecting me. "I'm just joking" isn't an excuse. It tells me that you think your right to say whatever inane thing that comes into your head is more important than the feelings and experiences of others. Is that really how you want to be seen?

I'm not trying to open a can of worms with this. I just felt like I had to say something because these types of comments make our server a hostile place for me to be. I'd really appreciate it if you took me seriously regarding this.

[alexcarlson]

Eeeewhoops.

Sorry when I said what I said when we were filming.

[Dumskalle123]

I apologize directly from my heart for acting like an ignorant douche who does not think twice about what he says, while we were filming and probably before that.

I promise you that I will never joke about such a thing again.

Regards, Dumskiddler.

[delicatedahlias]

Thanks, guys. Your apologies really do mean a lot
I don't want you two to feel like I'm just talking about you. Many other people have been saying those types of things.

I hope the rest of the video went well.

[alexcarlson]

Thanks, guys. Your apologies really do mean a lot
I don't want you two to feel like I'm just talking about you. Many other people have been saying those types of things.

I hope the rest of the video went well.

Thank you, I'm editing it right now, hoping it won't suck too much.

[Pri]

To me everything is open for humour. Everything.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/raped- ... torne,817/

Rape is a horrible crime but making a joke where the word rape is used is not facilitating that crime or condoning it. It is deriving humor. Just like when you have jokes about race, murders, murder trials, murderers, kidnappings.

Comedians have been making jokes about bad things for a long time. The office a TV Show had this line:

What's worse, rape or murder? Forcing yourself on to someone else or killing them entirely? A joke about shooting someone twice is okay, raping them before you kill them not okay?

At the end of the day Del, it's just a joke. If you can't tell the difference between words and actions that's not our fault. Learn to be more tolerant.

[delicatedahlias]

I was reading Reddit and came across this article that is directly related to this issue, so I thought I would share.

http://www.feministlawprofessors.com/20 ... 1320806691

[Pri]

Personally I see women using the word rape and discussing violence in a jovial way often. There were several girls in my Team Fortress 2 clan that would use the word rape when referring to their performance in the clan vs clan tournaments in which they dominated the other team, no one cared because it's just a word.

I don't really see the problem with using the word rape when it is appropriate to describe something.

And please just look at the definitions of the word:

1. the unlawful compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
2. an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside.

When I use the word rape referring to something (and usually it's to do with gaming) I'm really focusing on that 2nd definition. Words have more than just the populist view. Back a few hundred years rape wasn't used at all to mean forced sex. It meant the act of seizing and carrying off something by force. It wasn't a personal thing it was a general thing used mostly in war time and many games today re-enact scenes of war so the same language is going to be used often.

What's next we can't use the word barren when referring to an empty desert because it would hurt the feelings of women unable to bare children?

Food for thought I think. And I just want to re-iterate that rape is a horrible crime and I do not in any way condone it and I would never want to belittle what women and men go through when they are victims of rape which is to me one of if not the most vicious crime any living person could suffer through. I'm simply saying the English language is not static and many of our words have double or even triple meanings and are applicable to a multitude of situations, when someone uses a term like this they are not thinking about sexual abuse they are thinking of the literal definition, otherwise it just wouldn't make sense.

[delicatedahlias]

Women using the word too doesn't make it okay in my opinion. Just because I have had many encounters with men cat calling or saying lewd things to me doesn't mean I think all men do or should do those things. Have you considered that they are using language they may not feel completely comfortable with so that they can fit in better in a male dominated setting? Just a thought. I wouldn't know without asking them.

To make it clear, although it annoyed me, I am not really talking about the time that you personally used rape to describe the destruction of land. I am talking about these types of things that have been said to me while playing; "I am going to come and rape you", "Pretend you are raping her", etc. There is no ambiguity as to the denotation they are using there.

Yes, language does evolve. That means that connotations matter more, not less. Take for instance the word gay. I'm fairly certain most people would not use that word to mean "happy" unless they were going for some kind of double entendre. I'm also pretty sure people would not use the word faggot to refer to a pile of sticks. Another example would be translations. Learning a new language, one often finds that current slang will change the meaning of words, such as the word coger in Spanish. A teenager saying "Oh man I'm so gonna rape you" is most likely not talking about stealing his friend's land or resources.

The slippery slope argument is tired and overused. What's next, we let gay people get married and then people will be marrying their dogs? What's next, we let high schools teach comprehensive sex education and then all of the students will sleep with anything that moves? In real life there is a middle ground. You can indeed encourage people not to use the word rape lightly without ruining the English language. Just like you can encourage people not to use the word gay as a pejorative or the word fuck around small children.

I understand that you are not trying to be a rape apologist and I do not necessarily think negative things about people who use the word rape while playing video games. However, I reserve the right to respond negatively when someone "jokingly" tells me they are going to rape me. I don't have to think it is funny, I don't have to be okay with it, and I will probably say something about it.

As a side note, another reason why I am passionate about this topic is because of the rampant sexism on the internet and in the gaming world, especially when coupled with anonymity. A man in his 20's is more capable of using insensitive language on the internet or in a game and understanding that this language is separate from his view of society and the way he treats women. I get concerned when I see teens and kids using language like that because they may be developing negative thought patterns in regards to rape and/or women, intentionally or unintentionally. Also, as I said before, this type of language can create an unfriendly environment for women. To learn why that might be, refer back to the article posted above.

Honestly it seems like we are probably going to have to agree to disagree on this subject.

[Pri]

Any kind of threat is not tolerated on any community I run and if anyone told you they were going to rape you that is going to result in a ban. Give me the usernames of anyone that made such threats towards you and I'll remove them from our servers.

In future I want any use of the word rape on our servers confined to the descriptive terms of the word. I don't want anyone saying they are going to rape anybody else. Anyone doing so will be dismissed from our community.